Check out his latest book, “You Didn’t Build That: The Story of Rethinking Success”
The most fascinating part of his presentation was his explanation of the “five stages of grief.” He told a story of a relative who had recently had difficulty sleeping, but kept putting her eyes open while she slept for fear that the noise would disturb her sleep. Eventually, she was relieved enough to see herself floating in her bed, but her fear of waking up haunted her nights and her fear of sleep kept her from sleeping.
It’s a powerful story, and a powerful way to explain why we keep saying things like “I’m okay but…” but when it comes to how we feel, it’s a lot messier. For instance, just in case you’re like me and don’t always get it:
The five stages of grief
This is just a simple example of a process that you can use to think about your own grief. It’s a very broad thing. The actual stages of grief have far broader scope and complexity than the example I shared above. (I think there are a lot more phases than that.)
Here, I’ll help you think about what happens with your loved one in each phase of grief, the way you respond to it, and the way you go forward from there in your grief.
You’re okay. This phase makes up about half of your grief journey. You’ve seen some of the worst symptoms of this grief process, and it has nothing to do with you at all. Maybe your spouse or children are trying their hardest to be supportive, or you have all the evidence you need that this is your fault.
But it’s like saying, “I’m okay but….”
This is the time it’s easiest to ignore your feelings and focus on the problem, like when you’re in a race where you think you’re close to getting the perfect time.
If your loved one is angry, it’s not going to end easily, which means that you can’t say, “I’m okay, but….”
You can’t even ask the question, “If I were angry, would that help?” Because if your loved one tells you you’re annoying, they are.
Instead of acting, you say what they want to hear, and say, “Okay, but….”
This is the time you can say, “I know it’s a lot to ask for you to be okay with it,
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